*wee woop woop woop* Sarge: Come in Command, come in! Vic: This is Command, go ahead dude. Sarge: This is Sarge, from Blood Gulch Outpost Number 1. Vic: Oh! Hey, dude, riiight! Blood Gulch. Sarge: Ah, you remember me? Vic: Actually, no I don’t. I was just faking. Said what you said. Hey, hold on dude, lemme check you up in the old database here dude. Ah, here we go got yo stats right here Blood Gulch- wow you guys are terrible at everything. Sarge: One of our soliders has been kidnapped! Vic: Kiddnaped? You mean captured? Sarge: No kidnapped! Vic: We don’t really call it kidnaped in war, dude. Is there an enemy base nearby? Sarge: Like Blue Base? Vic: There you go dude Blue Base yeah! Let me- yeah! Maybe you should check there. The probably have your dude, dude. Sarge: Dangit! Why didn’t I think of that? Simmons: That’s actually a really good question sir. You blame the Blues for everything around here. You blame them when our equipment’s broken, You blame them when we run out of ammo- Sarge: OKAY Simmons. Simmons: You even blamed them once when it rained! Sarge: I GET IT NOW SHUT UP I’M ON THE PHONE! Simmons: You yelled at me and hurt my feelings. So suck it sir. Vic: Hey dude, so here’s what I can do for ya: Since you’re a man down I can send you some reinforcements. Sarge: You mean like a Freelancer? Vic: No way dude those guys are expensive as hell! Plus. attitude! Sarge: Well what do ya got? Vic: How ’bout a medic? Sarge: You mean like Doc? Vic: Yeah! Hold on I’ll see if he’s available! Lemme uh… just add him to the call here. (Singing) Doo doo doo, bidly boo, Come in Doc! Hello Doc ring-a-ding! Doc: Hello this is Doc Vic: Hey Doc, this is Vic from Command got Sarge on the line now gonna connect ya Sarge: Uh Hey Doc Doc: Hi Sarge, it’s weird to hear from you Sarge: Yeah I feel the same way Listen, we have a kidnapped solider over here Doc: Oh no who is it Sarge: Grif Doc: Who would kidnap Grif? Sarge: Apparently some with a lot of latex gloves and hand sanitizer. bottom line is, we’re a man down and we think the Blues are gonna attack at any moment can you help us? Doc: Sure, what do you need? Sarge: How’s the kill count these days? Doc: Super high!… Wait, do you mean on the battlefield? Zero. I thought you meant on the operating table. Sarge: Aw, great. Don’t tell me you’re still one of those lame pacifa-whatevers. Doc: Pacifist… Sarge: Yeah. Doc: Yes, Sarge, I still am. You don’t just turn that off when it’s convenient. It’s not like being a vegan Sarge: Well, get down here. We’re attacking soon, and we need all the help we can get. Simmons: Oh, wait a second sir. I thought you said the Blues were attacking us? Sarge: We’re not going to wait for that to happen Simmons Everyone knows that the best defense is good offense So let’s put our defense to work attacking their offense before they have a chance to establish a good defense… by attacking us first! Simmons: I’m just going to go load my gun, sir Sarge: Good man. Doc, get down here need you to patch up Simmons when he gets killed. Doc: On my way Church: Hey Caboose, we’re gonna help you move all the boxes back in the… Oh, man You’re done Caboose: *Panting* Caboose: yes Church: Oh, no, look Tucker, we didn’t get to help Caboose the way we wanted to. Tucker: Oh man! That’s terrible. I was really looking forward to that Church: I guess we’ll just have to help you next time. Caboose: (still panting) Ah, it’s okay Yeah, I had fun doing it. Oh also, Some of the boxes and the things inside the boxes are broken now, but I am pretty sure that is how they were before I touched them. And then dropped them Church: (Long, anguished sigh) Uhhhh, Caboose. Caboose: Oh and also the work went super fast because I found a new radio station to listen too! It had a cool song about Red Base and a Command. Church: Woah woah wait a second, wait a second. What radio station were you listening to? Caboose: Oh the one inside my helmet. You know the one with all the voices right- Wait, wait we have radio stations in our helmets right? Tucker: Yeah. Caboose: Oh thank god. Church: Uh-huh. And what did these voices say to you? Caboose: Oh they talked about how Grif was missing, and how Red Team only had two men now, and how they really needed help. Church: I think he might of intercepted a call from the Reds. Tucker: I think he’s just crazy. Hey Caboose, If the voices tell you to do anything to your parents, just remember: Church is your father figure. Caboose: Yeah the voices don’t say that….. But they do call me a dirtbag every now and then, it makes me feel pretty bad about myself. Also some of the voices sound like some of the other voices. Church: Well what can ya do casting is expensive shut your mouth. Wait, don’t you guys see? If the Reds only have two guys, we have a strategic advantage! Tucker: How so? Church: What do you mean, “how so?” We have more than they do, it’s simple math. Tucker: Dude, if I was good at math, do think I would have joined the army? The space army? Church: They have two guys, we have one, two, three guys! We have an advantage. Caboose: Two. Church: What do you mean, “two”? Caboose: We have two guys. Church: No, no. Three. One, two, three! Caboose: Uh, see you counted yourself. Church: Yeah so what? I’m still on the team. Still count myself even though I’m the one counting. Tucker: No, it does matter that you’re a really, really, crappy soldier. Church: Ok that’s a good point. Look, the deal is we have more guys than they do. Which is an advantage. And we should use this advantage to our- uh, advantage? Yes, advantage. Thank you. Tucker: Maybe we should use this opportunity to buy a thesaurus. Help you learn some new words. Church: Caboose, else did the radio call say? Caboose: Yeah, there was one other thing, ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, thinking……………. thinking………….. thinking………… Church: Come on, think. Think Caboose. Tucker: Church, how long have you worked with Caboose? Do you really believe that just saying, “think” is gonna help? Caboose: Uh, they said that they’re gonna get another guy, then they were going to do something- Think. What were they going to do? They were going to….. Sarge: ATTTTTTTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Caboose: That’s right! That’s it! Thank you Sargent!